After an on air freak-out by a speed addled anchor of a morning show, the producer realizes talent plied with, addicted to and withdrawing from various drugs and narcotics makes for great television, leading to overhaul their talent pool with a tweaker weatherman, a cooking segment with a heroin addict, a roving reporter continually on acid, reporting from inside his own mind, and two anchors who continually fight over a lost crack pipe. Unfortunately the crew slowly begins to use and deal, leading to lowered production values, as the talent begins experimenting with various drugs both legal and illegal, slowly stabilizing their personalities, until the show becomes incredibly boring, except for the crew which steals equipment, generates on camera drug deals gone bad, and lights the set on fire. Finally the show is cancelled, the cast and crew go to rehab, and the producer retires to Columbia to head up the national television network.
An Alan Lomax style documentary where two etymology grad students travel the American South in search of the origins of various disgusting sex acts, like the Alabama bus transfer, or the muddy rooster, the glass bottom boat, the angry dragon, the jelly donut, the Houdini, a one-tusked walrus, the rusty Trombone, the Abe Lincoln, the Tony Danza, two girls one Stanley cup, the hot lunch, the Cincinnati necktie, the bucking bronco, the Chinese aloha, the alligator fuckhouse, the mushroom opera, the Jacksonville booty call, the reverse Rick Moranis, the double frogman, the Messianic complex, the road to nowhere, the glue bomb, the Westminster trembler, the dog in a bathtub, Sharpies over backwards, the museum coatroom, rainforest brushfire, the Cleveland steamer, the Halifax fudge badger, roadside assistance, old TVs, ninja with attitude, a Kranski hotpocket, and of course the Rusty Venture.
One woman’s courageous attempt to introduce acceptable female masturbation practices to the urban community.
Remake of Cujo, where a black family lock themselves in their car, under attack from a geriatric Walmart greeter convinced they’re there to steal stuff.
A con woman manages to hustle his way into law firm posing as a former partner returned from an extended absence who no one remembers, and gets by asking interns, temps and prospective hires to do her work for her. Eventually she winds up “interviewing” a candidate that writes an entire paragraph about how the con is getting the attorney, as a potential hire, to write a brief for her, and that the con should be investigated, held in contempt and disbarred. Of course she doesn’t notice, and the brief is filed, waiting for a clerk to notice. In the meantime she attempts to start a relationship with the potential hire, just as she realizes the case is her “firm” defending a giant corporation against sick children or sick puppies, or sick children with sick puppies. Somehow this all culminates in the con woman winning the case for the kids because of the misfiled brief, getting the guy, and enrolling in law school to become a real lawyer and give up the grifting life, without getting arrested.
Inspired by true events that happened to my friend Jamie.
The story of a young girl in Appalachia in the 1880s, having made the trip from the highlands of Scotland, waits at her cousin’s home for her fiancée, making the crosser later that year. After a weird summer of alternating droughts and floods, she receives word the ship has come in, with no one on board alive. The family prepares a memorial, though it is sparsely attended since no one knew the fiancée, who shows up later that night. At first the girl doesn’t know what to think, her fiancée is emaciated, pale, and as he strips it is revealed he has small, circular burns all over his torso, one of which is opened enough to see into his abdomen, where his liver is missing. As it turns out, the ship was attacked by zombie jellyfish, capable of existing off the water in the human body, incubating inside the fiancée. Early that morning, he dies, expelling tiny jellyfish everywhere, and then rises as a zombie to do their bidding. The girl then has to lead a band of hill folk to kill the hordes of jellyfish which begin infecting the entire eastern seaboard. Eventually they find the best way to do this is by forcing those infected to drink moonshine, the only side effect of which is blindness.
A runaway planet hurtles through the solar system, eventually causing the whole thing to collapse into the sun, generating a black hole, into which the planet earth is pulled. Inexplicably, the planet is crapped out the black hole two thousand years in the future, where savagery, super science and sorcery reign, so basically the plot to Thundarr the Barbarian, except this time, Ookla the Mok is actually a geophysicist, mutated by the radiation from the black hole, altering his physical appearance and destroying his vocal chords. He discovers a small portal which allows him to travel back in time to before the earth was sucked through the black hole, and must figure out how to alter some event on earth at a random point in time such that eventually the solar system isn’t destroyed. Meanwhile Princess Ariel discovers Ookla’s plan, and after finding a way to tear a chunk of the portal away to take with her, chases Ookla through the portal, using the splinter of portal to send Ookla back to her future. She fears if Ookla changes the original earth, her timeline collapses, and she’ll no longer exist. Thundarr meanwhile acts as the comic foil, completely unaware of this struggle, still thinking he’s the hero, fighting ever inconsequential battles with wizards.
A shot for shot, line by line remake of “Swingers, but with gay dudes.
In the spirit of “Frozen” and “Open Water”, a bottle story about an editing team trapped in their offices, trying to finish editing a bottle story film before the megalomaniacal director descends on their editing bay to kill them all. Perhaps with Gary Busey either as the director, or as the on edge audio engineer who immediately wants to resort to cannibalism.
True story of a English bus driver, who is embattled in an oddly amicable 12 year long divorce from his wife. After the divorce is finalized, he wins the lottery, and decides to split the winnings with his ex, to which his current girlfriend has no objection.
